Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
