sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
