a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
