Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
