dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
