Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
