some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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