Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
