Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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