i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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