I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
