O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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