We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I forgot wine drunk hurts
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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