I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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