Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
no, he came in my armpit
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
