why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
