I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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