Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
