Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
