It was confusing and full of hummus
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
