Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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