I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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