woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
