This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
