I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
