Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have aggressive nipples.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
