Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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