I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
