you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
