Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
