Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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