Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
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