I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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