Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
