So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
