Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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