I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
So squirting runs in the family.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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