so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
