Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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