i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
