It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
