I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
