I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
