We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
