yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
