i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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