My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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