I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
