He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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