i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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