1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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