How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize