I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
