so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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