Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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