i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
