walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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