I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
