Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
tell me about the eggs
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize