I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
