you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
