So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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