the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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