I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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