VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
