Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
