I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
