My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
